The Unfindable Self

A chariot cannot be said to be different from its parts;
it is not identical with the parts,
nor does it possess the parts.

– Chandrakirti, Madhyamakāvatāra 6.151

Look for the self the way you’d look for the chariot.

First, call it up. Recall something from today and notice where you held on – this is me, this is mine. Or picture yourself sitting across from you, as in a mirror. Or imagine someone pointing at you and shouting, thief! Something rises to defend. What is it protecting?

Notice how it feels. Continuous. Solid. Standing on its own.

If a self like that were real, you could find it. So search.

Start with sound. Is the bird song you? The hum of the fridge? Then the body: pressure, warmth, the texture of your clothes, the tightness in the shoulder. Then feeling. Call up a little joy, a little sadness. If you were a feeling, which one would you be? Then thought, and the narrator, and whoever the narrator is talking to.

Is there anywhere else to look?

Take each layer slowly, until you’re certain.

Where the self appeared to be, a spaciousness. Rest there.

The self comes back, like a rainbow. Vividly appearing.